Why you should never judge a mum on her phone

I’ve had days when I’ve really tried to be the perfect Stepford Mum. Meals are made without a microwave, toys are nothing but Montessori and our woodland walks are practically Forest School-certified. But there just gets to a point, normally around mid-afternoon, where I find myself gazing at my phone – and not long after, the Mum Guilt sets in. I’ve even taken to leaving my phone in my bedroom all day so my Council of Inner Demons won’t decree me a Bad Mum for looking at the screen. But why do we hold ourselves to such high standards? Especially for something which is so commonplace it is just as likely to be helping our children as harming them. Here’s 10 reasons why you should never judge another mum (or yourself) for looking at their phone.

Playtime activities
Even the yummiest of mummies have to get their ideas from somewhere. I don’t know about you but I don’t know a recipe for organic salt dough off the top of my head. That mum you’re judging for being on her phone might be googling 20 different sensory activities to do that afternoon.

Protecting our little ones
Let’s face it, it’s a nightmare trying to get a face-to-face doctor or dentist appointment. So what are we left with instead? A super busy 111 number and hours of frantic Googling. Sometimes we need the NHS or other health websites to keep our toddlers cared for.

Keeping busy
When you have kids you suddenly become very interested in what’s happening in your local area. Has the trampoline at the local park been fixed? What’s happening for the next Bank Holiday? Social media is a big must so you don’t waste time turning up to Legs, Bums and Tums for over 60s at the local village hall because you haven’t checked which days the toddler group is running.

The Social Network
Not everyone has their support network living nearby, so what might look like a needless WhatApp message to one person might be vital communication to someone else. Not long ago, I went to my local park and saw a little girl narrowly avoid injury by climbing up the skate ramp while her mother talked on her phone. It’s only as I got closer I realised that she was speaking something akin to Russian/ Ukrainian and was likely making contact with relatives back home.

Shopping
While I still like to take my little ones out to the supermarket for the full trolley experience, I actually get the bulk of my weekly food online – simply because I can plan my meals for four different diets in much more detail – as well as two different Amazon subscriptions for milk and nappies. Plus, it’s not like many mums have time to go into shops to buy new clothes. Online shopping is a lifeline.

Spotify playlist
There are some songs out there which can turn my tantruming toddler into a picture of serenity – so I need Spotify to be just a couple of clicks away.  Not only that, plenty of us have a bedtime playlist or a collection of audio books that we add to when ideas come to us throughout the day.

Rain or sunshine
Sadly, the first thing I do each day is not reply to hundreds of messages from my many friends on WhatsApp. Instead, it’s check the weather forecast – and I continue to do so throughout the day ever since the time my ‘Two Under Two’ and I got caught in a torrential downpour.

Recording milestones
Not only do mums take A LOT of photos of their little ones, but I also used my phone to record my daughter’s first foods, first walk and first words. In fact, more or less first everything. With so much on our phones, we also can’t be judged if we want to flick back through memory lane every so often.

Helping another mum
When you become a mum, you join a tribe of people who are going through the same thing as you. So it makes sense that often we’ll try to offer a helping hand to someone else who needs it – or cheer for other people’s parenting successes.

Because you shouldn’t judge
Parenting is tough. Relentless. Worthwhile… but exhausting. Often when I go on my phone, it’s the only time I get to be me and not ‘Mummy’ during daylight hours. I can swear on WhatsApp or follow celebrities on Insta. Not everything we do on our phones has to be noble. If we, as mums, want to look at memes of jumping cats or Google who won Bake Off in 2015 and it keeps our mental health in the green zone then we should be able to do it without judgement. Because those five minutes of time in our safe space make us calmer, adjusted, more patient parents.