Kids things that adults secretly want
When I’m looking after my little ones, I regularly get a genuine case of the green-eyed monster. They get to lie back and sleep under raincovers as I’m pushing them through a torrential downpour. Or after a night of disrupted sleep, they can nap whenever they feel like it while I’m picking up chewed-up peanut butter crusts from the floor. But every so often, there comes a case of such genius designed just for children that I wonder why we’re all not using it. Here’s my list of things of kids things that adults secretly want.
Calpol
There comes a sad day in everyone’s childhood when you grow out of Calpol and are reduced to swallowing pills like a schmuck. But what about if that didn’t happen? What about after you’ve graduated from strawberry and orange flavour, there was an adult-friendly pina colada bottle for adults too? With a super big syringe to help with dosage? Let’s make this happen people.
Scratch mitts
Scratch mitts are typically only on baby clothes until 6 months old. And while most of us don’t scratch ourselves in our sleep, the actual hidden-in-the-cuff design would be perfect to give us in-built gloves on big winter coats. I don’t know about you but by the time I’ve found gloves for winter it’s mid-February: having them included in my coat, would give my hands a chance on the late night, last minute trip to Tesco.
‘Well done’ stickers
I want the world to know that I was a brave girl at the dentist. Or I was a star girl for paying my car tax on time. Let’s spread out the joy and give ourselves a pat on the back when we can – just like kids do. While we’re at it, let’s also bring those novelty birthday badges over to adults too: there must be plenty of 40 year olds who want Chase from Paw Patrol pinned to their chest to mark the milestone.
Warm milk
Yes I know, Horlicks exists. And hot chocolate. But that sweet, sugary time-for-bed hot milk just isn’t available to an adult market. And it is one of the best ways for a baby to have a good night’s sleep. I actually tried to make some once with real milk and it was the blandest, most revolting thing I ever drank. Could Aptamil 5 or Hipp: Fully Grown be on the market soon?
Puddlesuits
While not the most convenient thing for toileting, puddlesuits are great to avoid wet bums and ankles for toddlers – but what makes adults any different? Park benches barely get used between September and March; bring out an adult range of puddlesuits and we’ll have a trend bigger than the mini skirt in the 60s.
Sleeping bags
For when the slanket just isn’t enough. Surely something togged that you can live, eat and sleep in is the ultimate loungewear. Plus kid’s sleeping bags always have the best patterns. I want a Friends or Game of Thrones sleeping bag, with a pack of direwolves over the fabric.
Play doh
OK, hear me out on this. Yes, not many of us have time to go big on play doh sculptures, but just imagine a little pot next to each computer in your office. Imagine the good vibes: it’s the equivalent of the little office rake and sandpit or at the very least, it’s more effective than a stress ball.
Nasal spray flu vaccine
While I’m getting stabbed in my arm every year, kids are swanning out of their flu vaccination with nothing more than a tickly nose. Just like Calpol, why are we just giving these health hacks to the kids? I want my nasal spray with, of course, a ‘brave’ sticker for my troubles.
Playgrounds
Yes I know technically they’re for everyone but let’s face it you’d look downright creepy on a see-saw by yourself on the way back from work. While we’re at it, adult soft play should be a thing too – there should be no age restriction on a ball pit. Two weeks ago I saw a woman clearly of retirement age tie her dog up so she could go on a zipwire. That woman is my spirit animal.
Food
Have you tried the kiddy snacks? I love me a flapjack bar with real orange pieces. Kids’ food is highly regulated so it has less nasties than adult food – which begs the question ‘What the hell is in the food we eat?’ Maybe it’s time for Ella’s Kitchen to start catering for all.
