Why it’s OK for mums not to diet
Mum-tum. Bingo wings. Thunder thighs. As if pushing a person out of you wasn’t enough, you’ve been a slave to them and their sleep pattern ever since. Then the world gives you phrases like this to ebb away at your body confidence – the same body that actually created a person not so long ago!
It’s the paradox of mums everywhere – and it needs to p*ss off. Here’s my list of reasons why mums can step away from the fat clubs and calorie counting.
You don’t know when you’re next going to eat
You know the feeling: you’ve looked forward to that cheesy slice of pizza all day. It’s been baking in the oven and just as you’re about to tuck into it.. you hear crying from the next room. And that perfect piece of pizza stays untouched for hours until it becomes a stale rock. Welcome to the mum diet – where all your meals get halved because they’re constantly interrupted.
You’re always exercising
You’re bending down to change a nappy, then lifting your toddler up to their high chair. Then chasing a pre-schooler around the living room – then rushing back and forth between the playpen, microwave and oven when you’re making dinner. Then crouching under the sofa to look for their special Bluey toy. You are always on the go, you don’t need a personal trainer.
You need the sugar for energy
Linked closely to the idea above, all those jobs aren’t done with some Disney Princess help-from-the-forest-animals life hack. It takes a lot of energy to clean up after four different messes, teach a toddler how to use a knife and fork and get a baby to hold their own bottle. Sometimes your body needs that immediate energy boost.
You have to share half your treats anyway
How come toddler eyes can’t see where they’ve dropped their many Duplo bricks but can spot half a breakfast bar from across the room? Any time I’ve bravely ventured out to a cafe with my (former) two under two, I’m left with a finger-sized piece of cake after I’ve given them many bribes for not screaming the place down.
A pushchair/ child is like weight lifting
If kids are begging you for a piggyback, they’re heavy enough. But if you’re moving them midway through a tantrum, it’s like extreme power lifting. Even though babies start off as light as a feather, it’s not long before they too keep the upper body toned. Add to that a snowsuit, and they’re a human kettlebell. Even pushchairs provide some serious resistance training.
It’s the only vice you’ve got left.
My alcohol resistance changed forever the moment I got pregnant – now even one cheeky G&T will give me a hangover the next day, which is the last thing I need when dealing with teething toddlers. I can’t go shopping when I feel like it, never smoked and am hardly going to take up betting on the horses. Food is the only thing I have left and no one is taking it from me.
You go to a gym class anyway
What is it with most baby groups? Before I had my little ones, I thought it was kids playing with old toys in a village hall while the parents had tea and biscuits. But most toddler groups are like their own adult gym class. I’ve swung my kids over bars, led them over balancing beams, held their weight as they’ve done forward rolls. Even baby singalong involves an awful lot of swinging them around.
You’re not going on a bikini holiday anytime soon
Are you really going to take your kids anywhere which involves you looking glamorous on a beach? With spa breaks and 5* holidays out of the question, what’s the point when longline T shirts hide a multitude of sins.
We need to get over society’s judgemental norms
To be honest, I could have deleted the previous nine reasons and just written this one. We’ve seen it countless times, where women are roasted because their body changes when they create a person. Add to that, the hectic mummy lifestyle and lack of self care and it’s a victory if we still look like a person. We don’t need extra pressures to erode our self esteem. Your kids want you to be happy, no matter what that looks like.
